TPMFD ENDORSES GUN CONTROL

I am sure all the crazies that are reading this must think that I am out of my mind, but rest assured, according to my psychiatrist, I am no longer bonkers (if I stay on my meds).

That said, you might be wondering why such an esteemed blog such as The Perfect Murder for Dummies would endorse gun control.  As I have gotten older, and possibly wiser (or more cynical), I have realized that killing is simply too easy.  I mean really, where is the pleasure in the kill if any hillbilly or psychotic can buy an assault rifle and killing 20 kindergartners?

A lot of my hardworking followers have been doing their killings carefully, one or two at a time, and now some punk assed kid has a higher kill total than they do.  IS THAT FAIR?  I say not.  If you want to kill in bulk, come up with something more clever than an Uzi.  What about a virulent strain of bacteria?  Quicksand?  That would be cool--when was the last murder by quicksand?

All of this mindless killing has depressed me--I want to see more mindful killing.  Put some thought and effort into it.  Show some creativity.  Use a musket for Christ's sake or a blunderbuss. 

Support a ban on assault weapons, except for tanks--I want one of those.