Thursday, June 21, 2012


As my 30th High School reunion approaches, I was struck by a strange thought--why are there not more high school reunion massacres?

I have religiously avoided my high school reunions for one simple reason: I hated my classmates, the school, and all it stood for.  Why would I want to see any of them again?

But then I had a "Duh" moment: here I am, editor of the blog TPMFD, and I am missing the perfect mass murder opportunity.  I could in one fell swoop eliminate scores of people I detest.

Since I am sure that many of you hated high school as much as I did (if you were popular, then be forewarned), I have provided possible scenarios for revenge.

1. The Columbine Classic: take a bunch of automatic weapons and simply shoot everyone.  The weakness of this approac is that it generally ends up with your suicide or capture.  You might consider wearing a football uniform or cheerleader outfit so that if anyone survives or witnesses your caper, they'll assume it was someone else.

2. The Jonestown:  Poison the punch.  No one looks twice when someone at these shin-digs spikes the punch, so get a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka, who does not approve of this site or mass murder, (if you try this with a Smirnoff or some other crappy vodka, no one will want to drink the punch), and then drink half the bottle and replace the remainder with a cyanide solution.

3. The Pot Brownies:  this is a new approach, that has yet to be copyrighted, so please, if you use this, make sure NOT to cite this site.  Whip up a few batches of pot brownies, and make sure to add a little hemlock in with the hemp.  Don't tell people outright that they are pot brownies, but whisper to someone you know has a big mouth, "I think these are special brownies, you know what I mean?"  Soon, everyone will know and will be munching away. 

Slip quietly away, and voila, the trauma of high school will dissipate and you'll be able to celebrate the next reunion alone, or with those who avoid reunions for the same reason as you.


  1. Very interesting, reading this being a dummies site, here´s a fast ball;

    go to a baseball stadiumlot, await the cheerful crowd leave the stadium, then just casually step out and pop the trunk. Prepared, you just shout out loud: "Play Ball!" -laugh if you can!

    Then throw them hardballs.

    Technical data would be;

    1-5 min - around 10 dead twice wounded, depending on the caliber

    5-10 min - 25-50 dead assuming you follow the herd and make sure to hit lethal. around 30-40 wounded.

    It depends on your speed, ability to change clips and the size of weapon you carry. Airgun will sure not work, if you want to kill.

    That being said, the shooting at the Sihk Temple is not praised here! They are among the few kind normal people.


    Here are some of the typical errors, that a serial killer or mass murderer might want to take a second glare at;

    1. The face expression and color/tone -the "crook" usually appears pale, stone-faced and or the likes, sometimes like an allover overtense muscle about to pop

    2. The dresing usually appears okay, but there are some vital bells that the brain responds too, combining this with overstrained attitude etc. this is a second thing to think about

    3. What to do time and psychological acceptance of appearence, combined with the above, bring something that will make people accept your present, instead of leaning or sitting unatease

    4. Smell good, your about to change things around your area. Sing if you can, daily tone from the radio, a old one that is accepted and liked by "everyone", call someone and have a small-talk before going in.

    5. Time is the most importan Factor!

  3. ***The Perfect MassKill***

    Here is a suggestion on how to "kill" your so hated co-students at a reunion or simple party at the who knows what, but the assumption here is, that it happens in a gym or the likes, typical for these events.

    First you make sure you´re on the comitee or the likes, that has something to do with the punch or alcohols etc. and while at it, lean to the security of the "party".

    Get ten gallons of purgative, add it to the beverages or the likes in quantums that would suit your goal, then after a while leave the party with the excuse of bad stomach. :D

    Unlike Jonestown these people are not mindless brainwashed religious wrecks looking for salvation, but people getting to gether, having fun and knowing they are assholes and why not let them be it for a night.
    Catch my drift

  4. Anonymous:
    Thank you for the very helpful advice. We at TPMFD are always grateful for any input from our readers.
    Live long and slaughter.

  5. Hi again

    Just a little note on reunion-hate, news spoke of a poor girl commiting suicide, due to photos of bossom and i-net mocking, why not throw it the other way around.
    Pciture all the bullies and post them, not on the i-net, but in the local community for the people to see. They have no excuse for not stopping, they had no excuse for this kind of mocking or the likes. So her singing were bad, but forcing her into suicide, let the "world" see them as they are. That could be considered a massmurder by the use of "massmedia" :D

  6. Great idea. Take out the bullies and other worthless scum. TPMFD wholeheartedly supports such initiatives.