SUPER BOWL IS NOT VIOLENT ENOUGH

Football is so boring.  And since many of you would-be assassins reside outside the United States, consider these comments equally applicable to soccer/football. 

I've heard people consider footballers to be modern day gladiators, but come on?  When was the last time one team actually KILLED the other?  When was the last time the fans were actually asked if they wanted the loser to be executed?  Personally, when the Rams were in Los Angeles, I can remember countless times wishing that the visiting team would be merciful to us and just kill them off; fortunately, the team moved to St. Louis, but I'd still have preferred seeing them executed at mid field. 

And as for Premier League Football (soccer), instead of being relegated to a lower league, why not just execute the bastards.  It's probably more humane--honestly, after Relegation, isn't death the only honorable option.  Who wouldn't pay to see Blackburn or Wigan or QPR slain at midfield?  Toss in the coaches and owners as well and the towns might actually make enough money to buy some better players?

So how do we make the games themselves more exciting and violent?  Weapons.

Now, lest everyone run off and buy Uzis, to make this more sporting, each athlete must fashion his or her own weapon.  Swords, clubs, spears, maces, bows and arrow, Molotov cocktails.  Just imagine the complexity of the game as a player must try to pass or receive the ball at the same time that s/he must also try to deflect real blows.  No more diving--any player stupid enough to hit the turf would have to jump up immediately or risk decapitation!  And no subtitutions--only the dead can be hauled off the field (although I'd prefer leaving the dead on the field to maximize the psychological effect).

Oh, and for American football--NO PADS.  What is the point of a brutal sport if you are covered in pads and protective gear?   Enhance the VIOLENT ASPECTS of the games.  No helmets, no pads, no cups. 

And, we can all take a few lessons from the Black Knight in Monty Python's Holy Grail: if you have a limb or limbs cut off, play on: "It's just a flesh wound."