TOLERANCE BE DAMNED: PLEASE KILL HILLBILLIES

I must admit, these long spells between posts provide me such pleasure, because those poor saps who think god has finally listened to them are so soon to be despondent again, and those who actually like me write and say such nice things. It's like those folks who fake their own deaths so they can go to their funerals.  Alas, the stories of my demise are premature.

No, even murderers must face the necessities of the daily grind—all is not just the blood and gore that movies and television promise. No, we murderers are accountants, teachers, ministers (you’d be surprised), SAHDs, and checkout clerks, and we have to fuss with landlords, go to PTA meetings, and shop for groceries.

So, for the past weeks, I’ve been fighting with the school district about busing and whether duct tape is appropriate for the mouths of elementary riders. Imagine my horror to find that the populace believes bus drivers are fully justified in doing such things! Does no one value the safety of our children anymore?

I can hear the confusion in your minds at such shock, but honestly, who values life more than we murderers? I mean really, what fun would killing be if we did not value the life that we were taking? What would the point be? I know there are some who kill simply to get rid of a person whom they don’t like (and that’s another thing, WHY THE FUCK CAN’T ANYONE USE “WHOM” CORRECTLY! “WHO” IS THE SUBJECT PRONOUN AND “WHOM” IS THE OBJECT PRONOUN! IT’S THAT SIMPLE!), but those of us who appreciate the finer elements of the kill respect the wonder of life, and thus, when it leaves a body, we can find a deeper meaning in the act. However, in terms of hillbillies (they seem to be the ones most find of duct tape as invaluable tool in bus driving), I am willing to make exceptions. Maybe the world would be better with a whole lot less of them, and maybe that would take care of this whole Tea Party fiasco as well.

NOTE: some hillbillies have been known to masquerade as conservatives who in turn seem to masquerade as zombies, so don’t be fooled. Err on the side of death.

SECOND NOTE: All zombies are not bad, just the ones who vote Republican.