Saturday, September 18, 2010

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD: OR, DON’T KILL THE MESSENGER

Shakespeare thinks murder is classic, but finds this site sophomoric. And he thinks Stoppard is a hack. And he swears he was the true author of Hamlet. (My God, Shakespeare just can’t stop writing, even when he’s dead.)

Tom Stoppard disavows all knowledge of this site. He says Shakespeare is just Elizabethan television.


Back to my point: don’t kill the messenger. So everyone wants to kill their kids, but the moment I write it down, POOF, everyone goes ballistic (or should it be “BOOM” if one is going ballistic?) and claims they don’t really want to kill their kids—sounds like a plea in the process. It’s like people who hate mirrors—it’s not the mirror’s fault, it only reflects what you reveal to it.

If you don’t want to kill your kids, or the neighbor kids, or some random kid a few towns over, don’t. It’s that simple. If you do want to, and these protestations are simply a way to deflect suspicion, I can appreciate that, but please realize that I have feelings too. When everyone says I’m evil, I start to feel unappreciated, even depressed. I can remember once being told when I was growing up that negative comments can be ten times as powerful as positive comments, so you should say ten nice things for every critical thing you say. So please, try to balance your bile with beauty. 

And kill, baby, kill. (Sarah Palin also disassociates herself from this site, but not because it has to do with murder.  She simply does not believe in reading.)

Thank you,

The Perfect Murder

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