WHO WOULD YOU KILL: THE HISTORICAL BOARD GAME

Okay, so there is no board, but it is historical and just as fun.

I know, everyone says they’d go back and kill Adolph Hitler or John Wilkes Booth or Judas Iscariot, ideally changing the world for the better (but any reader of sci-fi knows these schemes always self-destruct ironically). Any moron or imbecile could come up with those—where’s the game with something like that? No, the new and exciting game that will be taking over college dorm rooms and internet chat will be this one, Who Would You Kill, Revered Edition.

What makes this game so addictive is you get to kill people everyone tends to like, and then explain how eliminating said individual would improve the planet (or your life). Your score is based on the number of people you can persuade to your point of view, namely how many co-conspirators can you rally, Cassius.

My favorite, and the one who generally enables me to win, is Mother Teresa. WHAT? You scream, she never hurt anyone. She helped the poor lepers of Calcutta (which isn’t Calcutta anymore, but I can’t remember what it is). Precisely, if she’d helped rich kids with ADHD, who’d care? But no, she has to go and help people whose lives are so bad that everyone else looks selfish. I mean, cure cancer, solve time travel, write the Great American Novel—“oh that’s nice, but you’re no Mother Teresa.”

Go back and kill Adam, Jesus or John Lennon (before they were famous), Newton, Darwin, Einstein, Shakespeare. Now of course, if you’re an atheist, Jew or Muslim, killing Jesus does not score you many points; similarly, if you are the Earl of Oxford, Francis Bacon or Christopher Marlowe, killing Shakespeare is not without cause; or Gottfried Leibniz or a sophomore struggling with calculus killing Newton; or Fundamentalists or Alfred Russel Wallace killing Darwin.

This game can be played at a beginner level, where you simply state who you’d kill and why. However, as you become more entrenched in the game, you can also add “how, when and where you would kill your target.” It can also involve role playing games, and I’m even working on an internet based RPG which should be going beta within a few months (stay tuned). This will be the next Tetris.

And since I am the oh-so-supportive murder mentor, please let me know the winning kills from your games. I’m always intrigued by new ideas in murder and who you’d kill.  (And please, no "Colonel Mustard in the Lavatory with the Lead Pipe"--someone REAL!)

Kill creatively—leave the prosaic kills for cops and drug dealers.