Based on the number of emails I’ve received detailing people’s kills, I clearly did not make my point clear in the first SHUT THE FUCK UP DUMBASS post. Telling anyone, including me, about your exploits is not a good idea. Are you really sure that I am not FBI? Well, I’m not, but it’s still not a good idea to tell me things. What if the CIA waterboards me or connects battery cables to my genitals? The purpose in contacting me is to ask questions prior to a kill so that you do not get caught or so that you can more fully appreciate murder’s noble tradition.
Now, PART 2: On the off chance that you follow all the wisdom herein, and still manage to find yourself being questioned, SHUT THE FUCK UP, dumbass. (DISCLAIMER: The Perfect Murder: For Dummies and its parent company, DumbInc, cannot be held responsible for the success or failure of any person attempting a kill. Likewise, by reading this blog, the individual assumes all responsibility, legal, civil, or virtual, for his/her actions. Do not call us seeking legal representation: our lawyers are all occupied writing nuisance writs to clog up the judicial system and thus prevent any real legal action taken against us. Furthermore, our server in located safely on an uninhabited island, which makes legal actions and extraditions particularly complex and time consuming—which in legalese, means “expensive.”)
Back to the point. Shut the fuck up, dumbass. No matter how often I write that, I still get a laugh. Shut the fuck up, dumbass. Ha. Okay, my point is this, SHUT UP. Don’t say anything except I would like competent counsel. DO NOT ACCEPT A PUBLIC DEFENDER. Go into debt, trick your friends to go into debt, steal the money. “Public defender” means the death penalty, even if all you did was turn left without signaling.
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